It isn’t Monday morning, but sometimes in midweek I do have something to say, and today I have something to say about milkshakes. I’m not buying any of this invented outrage over people chucking them at fascists in the U.K., and in addition I’m not buying the “I disagree with them just as much as you but I think we should do it a different way” crowd. 

"Here's what I think": Chucking milkshakes at fascists 1
Tom Cleaver

In normal circumstances I’m not a fan of direct physical action against politicians, naturally I would rather politics wasn’t relegated to the level of a food fight, but these are not normal circumstances. There are people in positions of immense power and influence in the U.K. who are not honest actors first and foremost, but also who harbour extreme and harmful views. 

These people do not play by our rules of liberal and fair democracy. They are not interested in abiding by the laws, be they financial or otherwise. They are not interested in debate; they blow their top whenever seriously questioned, and shut down debate at every turn. Their rhetoric, vocabulary, and Nazi-inspired campaign publications are not those of honest participants in democracy. They are those of fascists, and we should not be treating them as legitimate and honest actors. Sure, we shouldn’t be assaulting them, but that is why the milkshake is the perfect fit. It’s harmless, but it sends the right message: those views and the people who hold them are not welcome in our society. 

i’m not for one minute buying these tears over some milkshake

Further, I’m not buying the argument that it will make people more inclined to vote for them. People looking for statesmen and representatives who are as yet decided as to which way to vote probably wouldn’t decide to hedge their bets on the one that’s dripping with milkshake, first of all. As to the argument that this “violence” will make people vote for the non violent side because they don’t want to be associated with the “violence” is demonstrably not true in British politics. 

A week before the 2016 EU Referendum a “Leave” supporter literally murdered a pro “Remain” Member of Parliament in broad daylight while chanting the name of a pro “Leave” organisation, and “Leave” went up in the polls afterwards and wound up winning the referendum, so I’m not for one minute buying these tears and clutched pearls over some milkshake. If someone being murdered for political reasons can’t persuade people to vote against a cause, then a milkshake shouldn’t be able to. 

milkshake puts the fear of embarrassment into fascists

What I’m hearing when people say that is “I’m a racist, or at least I sympathise with the fascists, and I’ve been looking for any excuse to say it in public”. You are collaborators, bystanders to the rise of fascism in your country. So, well done. 

As I have already alluded to, I like the milkshake as a tool against fascism. Even at this relatively advanced stage, where outgoing Prime Minister Theresa May of “go home vans” and “repeal the Human Rights Act” fame is not right wing enough for a party that is not right wing enough to not be haemorrhaging votes to a party with a fascist leader and no manifesto which will probably win the plurality of the election today (and Christ it’s grim writing that out), I still draw the line at physical violence. Milkshake however is harmless, and puts the right type of fear, the fear of embarrassment, into fascists. If they go outside and get splashed, they look silly and we all get a laugh. If they don’t go outside, we don’t have to hear them or see them. 

So, next time Farage, or Yaxley-Lennon, or Widdecombe, or either of the Rees-Moggs, or Johnson, or Leadsom, or any other fascist slimeball from any country is in your area, buy yourself a milkshake and go out to see them. You’ll be doing your country a favour.